Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1998 17:38:36 -0800
To: friends and email@example.com
Subject: The BIG Chew!!
WELCOME to the Thanksgiving edition of:
"The BIG chew" by Samuel Saint Thomas
It was thanksgiving morn for my family of four.. dad loaded our green
volvo 242dl with mounds of vegetarian delights of tofu & berries..nut
loaves w/cheese..fresh 30 grain bread...... my brother and I had brand
new oshkosh`s.. dad in his sweater.. mom in her skirt.... through the
woods we went.. out to the big road.. it was sunny.. dad said brisk.. mom
said nipply.. brother was quiet.. it felt grand to me!.. it was a fine
day!.. it was to be our first time to eat a turkey!!!
Mom and Dad said they had turkey a long time ago.. but that was before
they were enlightened!!.. but I was about to get lucky!!.. see..when the
Olsons invite you to their farm.. you recieve the invite with gratitude
and eat what is set before.. dad said St Francis or somebody said that..
sounded good to me..
We arrived.. after kisses.. hugs.. dogs.. cats.. smells.. flute solos..
group songs.. really long poems.. and stupid jokes.. the big moment was
around the corner.. 4 candles, 3 benches, 13 chairs, a rag down my
shirt..and what seemed like worlds` longest prayer.. even longer than
Finally it came.. it was huge.. take note! cornfed!.. it was brown.. it
was sweaty.. it was fat.. I wanted the breast.. i was a breast man from
way back.. dad said he was too.. no gravy 4 me.. I wanted the full
impact!.. hundreds of bowls were passed clockwise.. knives flew.. spoons
clanged.. and I wiggled.. waiting....
.... then.. the forks hit the plates.. all mouths full in a flash.. a
hush fell over the whole farm .. the dull sound of chewing filled the
air.. then... my brother raises his hand.. and like Peter
Jennings in full reporter voice, blurts out..
Well! It tastes just like rubber bands to me!